A Decision for Authenticity: How Secrets Limit Our Growth

"Why can't you just be yourself? Why do you always want to hide?"

I couldn't answer the question. No one had asked me that before. But I was carrying the weight of a secret, and the idea of 'being myself' was laughable. Why would I do that? Why would I hurt other people with the way that I am? It seemed selfish and at the time, out of the question.

But the seed had been planted by my teacher, and bore fruit in time. 

I started by letting my gray grow in. Actually, I shaved my head to totally expose myself. There. Not hiding that anymore. And eventually, courage became stronger than fear. Even if it did take a number of years to get to the point where I knew I would never keep secrets again.

Secrets have an undeniable way of altering the fabric of our lives, often cloaked in fear or shame. Many individuals grapple with the weight of hidden truths—a weight that can manifest as stress, anxiety, or an overwhelming sense of isolation.

The act of keeping a secret tends to generate a duality within us, creating an internal conflict that inevitably affects our relationships. When we isolate a part of ourselves, we inherently compromise our wholeness. This compromise can lead to feelings of being disconnected—not only from others but also from our truest selves. When we withhold pieces of our identity, we risk becoming estranged from the very essence of who we are.

The nuances of why we keep secrets are often rooted in deeper fears. The fear of judgment, rejection, and the Unknown make us hesitate to reveal ourselves. We tend to operate within a bubble of socially constructed norms that dictate what is acceptable to share, or even what it is acceptable to BE. The illusion of connection, built on half-truths or omissions, can feel safer—but at what cost?

Ultimately, the spirit yearns for authenticity; it demands that we shed the layers of falsehood we’ve accumulated. The process involves facing discomfort and vulnerability but is essential for our growth; it's a paradox of liberation through revelation.

Transitioning to a state of authenticity requires recognizing the detrimental impact that secrets impose on our self-worth and relationships. By unveiling our secrets, we initiate a cathartic release, an unshackling of the burden we’ve carried. This release not only liberates us but also invites others to do the same, fostering environments of mutual honesty and acceptance.

Over time, the practice of revealing our truths can strengthen our bonds and encourage deeper, more meaningful connections with ourselves and those closest to us; even if damage was done in the initial stages of revelation, we have an opportunity to grow beyond resentment, guilt, self-protection, and conforming to the roles of victim or perpetrator and all their accompanying emotions and societal labels.

This has been my personal experience: the gradual, beautiful deepening of a relationship when there's nothing left to hide is worth the loss of face we fear when we show ourselves. It’s not merely about divulging our deepest secrets, but about creating spaces where authenticity is celebrated, where we can be ourselves because we've accepted all of what we are, leading us toward a more integrated existence. We become real again.

While the decision for authenticity no matter the cost might seem daunting, it holds immense rewards. As we venture deeper into radical self-acceptance and transparency, the mirror of life reflects not only our struggles but also our strengths, our capacity for joy, and our native incorruptibility. Each step we take toward authenticity is a stake in the ground for truth in a world that is full of deception and distortion. 

As we break free from secrets, we emerge into a clean and clear space of light that transcends shame and fear. The nobility of our True Nature is revealed, because it was always there under the mask of fear and falsehood. Nothing in the dark and fearful underbelly of our psyche, or indeed of the world, can hold a candle to the sunlight of what the human being truly is.

It's time to let go of secrets and lies, step into that sunlight, and remember who we are.